VENT GALORE...

2012-01-06T22:01:00.002+08:00

I'm not saying I have nothing. I'm not saying I'm gone completely. It's just sometimes it's all a bit too much to handle. Sometimes I feel like it's too much. I'm not going to do anything stupid because I know it will get better, it has to right? Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone who would live past their teenage years. But for now, just for now, it hurts.

2011-12-28T12:03:00.002+08:00

"I gave you more than enough chances to make things right and you didn’t. I opened myself up to get cut wide open... I’m sorry if I’m not ready to throw all of that away to let you back in and make me look like a fool when you fuck me over. Again. I cant put myself through that again. You cant erase the past. The way we are now, is not my fault. I didn’t cheat, lie, or push you away..... I cant put myself through what you did to me again. I need change. If we’re meant to be, we’ll find each other again one day and maybe I’ll fall madly in love with you. If not, I really hope you find happiness in the decisions you made, because God knows I would never have chosen this for us. But I also cant fix what you created, and I don’t want to anymore.”

2011-12-21T00:21:00.000+08:00

You've proven to me that this should have been over a long time ago. It would be too harsh to say that you're a mistake right from the start. It's true I was given the choice to walk away, but I chose not to. Each and every time i had the chance to do so, i just didn't. So it's no one's fault, except mine.

JoJo - Disaster

2011-11-18T23:24:00.000+08:00

2011-11-17T23:51:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes I wonder if anything is absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong, good and bad, truth and lies? "

2011-11-05T12:37:00.003+08:00

Time is ticking away.
Yes, you're young,
but the years fly.
And soon,
you'll be wondering
what would have happened
if you spoke
what was inside your heart.

2011-10-27T22:28:00.000+08:00

Know how it feels when you're clueless? Like you dunnoe what's going on. Like you dunnoe what to do? Like you dunnoe why and how? Like it's all so screwed up..

It's been so hard lately. It's been so tough. I need to do sth. Abt my life. But what?

2011-10-19T19:05:00.000+08:00

You've got guts. You've got real guts.

You think I have it easy. You think what I have came easy. You think they were presented in front of me. You think I just sat by and waited for these good things to happen. You think I was born with a silver platter. You really think that. Think again.

Face it, it's the real world. It's gonna suck like shyt but it's unto you to create the change. And in doing so, you play fair. That's what it's all about. Know your boundaries. Know your limits. You step over them, you deal with the costs.

Don't talk about understanding. Heck, friendships don't even exist in your book of world. If it did, you wouldn't stab your friend in the back. Oh, i know what you did and i know what you said. You can as much as you want deny it, whatever. You want someone to be there for you? You want someone who gives you a reason to smile everyday? Go look for yours. Both you and I know what went on, did you really expect me to be understanding after all that you did, regardless of who was involved? You're not naive, you think i'd just back down. You think you'd get your way. Too bad things didn't work out the way you wanted it to, don't take it out on me. If you had been fair, if you had been honest, perhaps and only perhaps it could have been how you would want things to be.

2011-10-09T21:52:00.000+08:00

I know your game, girl. I'm no longer gonna fall for that bubbly personality and smile.

It's gonna be five years soon, and yes i've learnt my lesson. You can smile in front of me, you can joke wimme, you can come sit down next to me give me those sad eyes and apologise. I may have fallen for those once before but no, not any longer. Not even once more. You've done this way too many times. And each time, i let it go and i don't even brood over the matter. But now that you've done it again. I just sit down and think back to all the moments when you just keep sabotaging our friendship. I avoid doing whatever you dislike, but you just go on and do what would hurt me behind my back. What's worse, is that you just play all innocent in front of me and others.

Enough is enough. Never will i be deceived by you. Your time is over.

Talking To The Moon

2011-09-24T19:51:00.000+08:00

2011-09-23T22:47:00.000+08:00

WHOA I TOOK MUR'S LORRY TODAY!!! COOL KE PE... hahahaha it was soo fun. The thrill, the wind, the chill sooo gooooooooddd~

I know I should put an end to all this drama. It makes no sense to go through with all these. I make no sense, giving in, going back, trynna appease/pacify/placate people.

I feel eyes watching my every move. I can almost hear their thoughts judging me. And their glares stripping me layer by layer.

I like being low profile, not known to people.. But lately, this year, that's been tough to do, no matter how hard I try gahhh

2011-09-15T23:58:00.001+08:00

Ranting session with mummy today <3

2011-09-07T21:49:00.002+08:00

Yknow what i want?
To really matter to someone. To mean something precious in someone's life. For someone to find me adequate enough, to want me, just me. And to be appreciated and not taken for granted.

2011-09-07T09:17:00.003+08:00

$2 haircut

2011-09-05T22:16:00.001+08:00

GERAM GERAM GERAM

What is wrong with you?

Some people have ego bigger than their body size. Makes them feel like they have to uphold that 'cool' image in front of everyone and make life suit them. They tell people only bits and pieces and leave out parts that could ruin their 'image'. They don't want people to know all the things that could make them look pathetic or sth. Yknow what, it could even be inferiority complex.

Oh well, whatever.

Embarrassing moment

2011-08-31T22:22:00.000+08:00

WWWAAAAAAAAA TODAY WAS SO EMBARRASSING!!!

I totally lost all my water face):

So, i saw Jinghan one level down and decided to call out to her. So i ran towards the railing, and unknowingly, i tripped and fell. I grazed my knee and it hurts ok! It was bleeding and like blue-blackish and swollen boohoo. Fir keeps making fun of me. He makes some sound, which was the sound when i fell. Apparently it was loud.. So like he was trynna control his laughter but he looked like some balloon that was gonna burst. And then when i sat down and replayed it in my mind, i just keep laughing and laughing and laughing like nobody's business. Oh oh J2 fir was there sitting with us too, and at least he was being nice and was genuinely concerned(i think).

Oh wait, i haven't reached the embarrassing part yet.. Jinghan was with her class, so when i fell and made the loud sound, they obviously heard. And so uhh alif j was there too and he saw and heard and all. And he was like "are you okay?" or sth liddat if i'm not wrong. But i was too embarrassed ready, so i just kept my cool. And like said yea yea i'm fine and laughed it off. And like fir came laughing and all asking if i was okay. So obviously i had to just brush it off like it was nothing right. But seriously, it hurt like crap):

Oh oh and then i was talking to fir, and like i came up with this idea: if i were to fall down next time, just act like i fainted. and don't get up. so it would be less embarrassing teehee xD

Khairil Johari Johar : Sepasang Kurung Biru (HQ Audio)

2011-08-30T00:55:00.000+08:00

2011-08-28T14:58:00.001+08:00

Oh my wow. More than one year since i last updated haha. I'm backk!

So bio lecturer was going through the slides. And one of the images she flashed was the background of my blog!!! :D *thank you thank you*

So, dilemma dilemma. I dunnoe what to do and i don't have much time to decide, really. But i can't decide(as always :/ ) Either i pluck up all the courage in me and put aside my ego and risk losing my water face OR i sit by the sideline wondering what could have been. Ahhh, both options don't sound appealing at all. yknow you can save me all this trouble by just talking to me OMG

I've got lotsa work to do and i'm panicking cuz i need to get them all done before promo and i have other stuffs i need to do concurrently D: PANIC!!! I got stuck with sponsorship comm head for FL omgg. I don't think i can live up to that but i'ma have to really try and make sure i don't screw up.

As you can see, today's not going so well):

2010-08-18T00:07:00.000+08:00

FEELING BETTER

2010-05-18T19:14:00.004+08:00

I'm sick and i'm tired.

I'm sad and i'm screwed up.

I'm depressed and i'm doomed.

I'm horrible and i'm terrible.

What do you do when all these conflicts arise?

What do you do when all our views clash?

How do you make things work out?

Cuz i really want to work things out. But i dunnoe how to go about doing so. Our mindset, our thinking, our views, they clash.

You hurt me. I get upset. I hurt you. You get upset.

We both get upset and then we fight.

I hurt you. You get upset. You hurt me. I get upset.

We both get upset and then we fight.

We both know what upsets each other. We do. We know just too well. But we still do it anyway. That's cuz that's just our own way of doing things. We have different styles. That's just our lifestyle. I don't want it to change. I don't want us to have to sacrifice or change our lifestyle to suit each other. Cuz it's not fair.

But i really treasure this friendship we have.

But how do we go on and overcome all these if we just keep hurting each other? If we just keep doing things we know will upset the other person?

This sucks. Big time.

2010-05-16T20:30:00.002+08:00

Was it something that i said?

Was it something that i did?

2010-04-30T21:07:00.004+08:00

Sometimes i feel so lonely. Like i'm as screwed up as can be. But then i realise, i'm not the only one feeling that way. I'm not alone. There are others who are feeling that way too. I guess it's just something you go through. It kinda sucks a lot but.. I guess, i'd survive(:

Today was somehow really *inserts word here*. I'm so tempted to go check the biorhythm cycle thingum and look at my emotional potential, but then poonam will kill me if i do that, so i shall resist the temptation to do so. These few days haven't been so good. It's been pretty much terrible. Told myself i'd hang in there, i'd be fine, but i guess i lost it. But i think i'm fine now. I really hope so.

I'm really glad i talked to umm, mr leek. He really did help. I just knew i had to talk to sumone. And yes. He said soo many stuffs, that really got to me yknow. Like, how i shouldn't let things affect me. There's absolutely nothing wrong to think about them, i just need to control myself so that i won't let it get to me. And he's right about me thinking about it all the time, i can't help it. But yea, now i need to make sure i don't let it affect me(:

People keep telling me i think too much): but it's not like i can help it, right? I really dunnoe how to block things outta my mind cuz they just keep coming.. And i just keep thinking. And once you start thinking about something, then you realise there's some other things to consider, and one thing leads to another, and soon enough there's so much to think about, ponder and consider. And you can't just not bother cuz it's somehow rather important. Cuz every single lil details matter. Like the small decisions you make now might have a greater impact in the future. And i really hate making decisions): Bleagh.

Mr Leek said i should just show the polite and nice side of me. And i try to do that. But i know sometimes i can be really mean and be sucha pain. And i guess that's one area i need to improve on. I need to be nice. I shall be nice. Yepp okay.

Mr Yang kinda made me happy today(: It's kinda sorta really nice to have sumone who recognises the effort that you put in. And like, they credit you for it yknow. And yes, i'm really thankful that my hardwork kinda paid off. But i know i still got so much more to improve on.

And lastly, i dun wanna grow up): I like how things used to be soo simple. I like simple. But life's not simple. So i'ma have to find ways to make things simple for me.

"I need a lil more help than a lil bit"

2010-04-11T11:17:00.001+08:00

2010-03-14T09:05:00.002+08:00

I'll always smile(:

And i will try not to care/mind

2010-01-28T20:59:00.001+08:00

sometimes it gets soo hard..

it's hard right here. right now.

when you're right at the edge.

right on the verge of breaking down.

2010-01-03T11:26:00.004+08:00

Hello!(:

(i'm in a very shitty mood today. but it's a new year, i wanna blog happy stuffs)

WOKAY! So, before i forget to blog down all these stuffs, i shall do it now.

I went for my scope thing last wednesday! It was scary i swear. Really very scary. The doctor was explaining to me the procedure. And then she said that the size of the thing going in my stomach was as big as the fat pen that has the all three; red, blue and green colour that one. I dunnoe how to describe that pen luh. Yea, but i dunnoe if it really was that big luh, cuz they gave me the sedative thing luh. But my mum said she saw and it was really THAT big. Scary much. But i kinda like woke up or something during the procedure and then i choked cuz it was in my gullet and stuff, then after that i was put back to sleep. And then my throat hurts like a lot. And it's still hurts till now :/ but well, yea. Then after the scope thingy, when i woke up right, i heard the nurses say something like "her bp is low" and then i fell asleep again xP oh, and when my doctor wanted to like explain to me what they found out from the scope, she said "there's a lot of anger in you" Funny luh she. I was like, WHOA okayy, anger eh.. Haha.

Hmm, other than that.. Let's see, oh we finally went out again as a whole family. Like, god knows how long since that last happen. It was quite fun luh. We went to eat at Arnold!(: Nice nice. Heh. Then we went East Coast, walk walk a bit. And this morning we talked for quite a while during breakfast. I miss good family time :D

One foot in and one foot back,

It don't pay to live like that

2009-12-21T14:29:00.003+08:00

INSPIRE

2009-12-10T22:01:00.002+08:00

Hie, thanks smiley face, but who are you? :/

Anyways, Hello!(:

Today was FUN. Today was EXCITING. Today was AWESOME. TO THE MAX, i swear.

Haha. So went bugis in the morning and stuff. And yea, got down to work, heh. Iluma's cool mann. Haha. Then i went East Coast with my cousins. We went swaveboard-ing. Haha, first time i ever heard of it before. But well yea, cool thingum, really. I can balance on it(for a really short while xD), but i can't seem to make it move. Haha. But at least, it's better than nothing, right?

Then we makan, and all.. Then we went Marina Square. I LOVE WHITE BALLS!(:

So fun writing on them, had lotsa fun luhh. Took pics and vids and stuffs. Then we went to eat at kfc. Took sumore videos. Walked around. Then we went Esplanade. Then got sumore white balls!!! So we took sumore balls and wrote and them. Haha, really no life luh pls. Then we took forever to complete writing. Then we took more pics. It's really windy there. Nice place (Y)

My cousins are soo cute! I love them. Like, we were on the train home, and they all were gonna change trains at jurong east, except me.. And let's just say, the train wasn't safe, cuz got some people ah.

"Nazihah, this place is not safe, pls go sumwhere else"

"Are you sure you'll be okay alone?"

"This part is not safe. Either you take the next train or you go all the way to the front of the train. I am scared, for you!"

"Don't stay here, not good for you."

[I will TRY to ATTEMPT to REMEMBER not to FORGET to REMEMBER to upload photos and videos]

2009-12-08T17:25:00.000+08:00

Devil of the Day

2009-12-06T23:41:00.002+08:00

Hello!(:

Pementasan Drama was awesome YAY! Haha. Mann, i miss drama like crazy. I woke up this morning, and the first thing that came to my mind was.. "Crap, drama's over D:" Can't believe it's over so fast. It's like we only really started after school closed, wasn't even a whole month )): wish we had more time together. We had so much fun aye..

And for the first time in my life, my voice wasn't shaky the least bit! I have a reason to be proud of myself :D Hehe. I'ma miss sec fours ): Kak Adri, especially. She's so sweet. I love you so much!(:

Anyways, some people have this way of making others feel good about themselves, eventhough it's pretty much unintentional. Heh.. We went to my uncle's house just now to visit my grandparents. My cousins keep teasing me about the berbalut mata thingy ): Hmph! Then, my cousin and i talked quite a bit. We were just lazing on the couch like nobody's business. Then he started playing with my hair and my hand.

"Eh, your hair very soft. I like"

"Your hand very smooth, fun to play with. And very lembut also. My tangan very keras cuz i play badminton. Yours very nice"

"Yknow, you're very pretty. If i'm a girl, i'd like to have your face"

How can i not kembang ah, you tell me. Haha, kidding. So this was my reply..

"What do you want from me ah?"

Haha, typical kak feena kinda reply xP So long i nehh ego for a bit.

2009-12-03T22:01:00.000+08:00

kau beri rasa yang berbeda
mungkin ku salah mengartikannya
yang kurasa cinta

tetapi hatiku selalu menginginkanmu
terlalu menginginkanmu
selalu menginginkanmu

kau hancurkan hatiku, hancurkan lagi
kau hancurkan hatiku tuk melihatmu
kau terangi jiwaku. kau redupkan lagi
kau hancurkan hatiku tuk melihatmu

kau buatku terjatuh dan terjatuh lagi
kau buatku merasakan yang tak terjadi
semua yang terbaik dan yang terlewati
semua yang terhenti tanpa kuakhiri

2009-12-02T21:24:00.004+08:00

i like the video(:

2009-11-29T11:18:00.002+08:00

"Kalau pun syurga itu indah,

Aku tetap pilih kamu

Kalau pun hembusan angin itu menyenangkan,

Aku tetap pilih kamu

Kalau pun waktu itu nyawa,

Aku akan tetap pilih kamu

Dan sekarang kamu nampak

Betapa besar kamu dalam hidupku"

2009-11-29T10:27:00.000+08:00

"A long lasting friendship fills the heart with endearment."

2009-11-28T21:28:00.003+08:00

"Do not dwell on the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."

- Muhammad Hadi Bin Rahman

2009-11-25T23:48:00.001+08:00

HAKIIIMMMM says (11:46 PM):

aww k la miss you

2009-11-25T23:20:00.003+08:00

I'm sick and tired of your reasons
I got no one to believe in
I'm feeling like I don't know you

You tell me that that you love me
Then cut me down

You tell me that you want me
Then push me around

You tell me that you love me

Then cut me down

You ask me for my love

Then you push me around

2009-11-22T20:14:00.001+08:00

somehow i just like this(:

2009-11-20T23:23:00.005+08:00

Warna-Warna

Kehidupan

"Anak kecil itu

bermain dengan warna-warna

lantas dicoretkannya warna pada kehidupan

lalu dikatakan kehodohan itu indah

hanya kerana kehodohan

nan tersembunyi di sebalik keindahan."

2009-11-17T21:02:00.004+08:00

Where are you now
When I need you the most
Why don't you take my hand
I want to be close
Take my hand and walk with me

Where are you now
When nothing is going right
Where are you now
I can't see the light
So take my hand

And walk with me

Why are we far apart
I feel all alone

2009-11-16T21:56:00.002+08:00

I've been using lotsa smileys lately. So soo many smiley.

Not one's been on me though..

But thanks to you fren now i'm really really smiling! :D

Wide smile. From ear-to-ear. THANK YOU! ;DDD

YAY! Arigatou! Thank you. Haha.

I owe you, [HOT]fren!(:

HOTpink for you xP

(but it's not exactly hot pink ar, sorry)

2009-11-15T21:39:00.003+08:00

(ugly colour for ugly things. BLEAGH)

If i could, i'd whine out loud about how terrible and horrible i feel right now..

Considering the fact that not many people actually bother to check out my blog anymore, i'm thinking that it's pretty much safe to rant here.

AHHHH!!! My throat hurts. I can't stop coughing. My nose is like horrible. Worse still, my phlegm is disgusting. Gahh.. My stomach hurts like crazy. The medicine isn't making me feel any better. I got bad headache. And i wanna cry real badly right now. I'm so tired. I feel so sick. My eyes are burning.. Can things get any worse.

Everyone's so busy with their own things right now. My parents are so busy with packing and worrying about people coming over. My sister has got her own set of problems and she's always out. And well, my brother has always been busy. That leaves with just me. I WANNA WHINE ALOUD!!!

And then there's this very annoying guy who just doesn't seem to get the message. Which is pretty much crystal clear to me. I've been ignoring you the past dunnoe how many months. WHY DO YOU NOT GET IT! I keep avoiding you. Ignoring you. Not acknowledging your presence. Not replying you at all. But you're still here. Gosh, leave me alone already ):

This is how my sister says it/what she always says:

I'm single, yes. *pause* Yet, not available. *smiles*

I wanna scream and yell and shout out loud. Just that my throat hurts real badly now. Gosh, i sound like such a spoilt brat :/ I'm sorry. Just ignore me.

2009-11-15T20:13:00.001+08:00

I remember wanting to post this once before.

But i didn't. So i'm putting it up now..

Did you forget that I was even alive?
Did you forget everything we ever had?
Did you forget, did you forget about me?

2009-11-04T20:53:00.002+08:00

And all I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe

I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always

Get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

2009-10-27T22:21:00.004+08:00

Dan aku cuba sedaya upaya

Telah ku usaha dengan sepenuh jiwa

Bagaimana hendak ku lupa

Bayangan wajahmu selalu di depan mata

Harum baumu masih dapat ku hidu

Bagaimana ingin aku membencimu

Jikalau setiap hari merindu

Sekiranya derita merinduimu itu sebenarnya bahagia

Aku pilih derita

2009-10-21T22:31:00.004+08:00

Hati diumpamakan daun kering yang digenggam erat lalu hancur ditabur dan dibawa bayu. Hati jadi keping-keping kecil berserakan. Tidak mahu lagi menjadi daun kering yang berserakan menutup bumi dan menunggu masa untuk dipijak dan dibawa lari bayu berkali-kali dan singgah merata-rata.

Biarkan seketika hati seperti seroja yang kembang di pagi hari. Walau liar seroja di tepi jalan, bermakna berkembangnya di waktu pagi.

2009-10-21T00:40:00.000+08:00

hahaha. i am so lag.

oh well, whatever :)

2009-10-20T22:55:00.003+08:00

I'm not afraid to fall

It means i climbed up high

To fall is not to fail

You fail when you don't try

Not afraid to fall

I might just learn to fly

And i will spread these wings of mine

If i get up i might fall back down again

So let's get up come on

If i get up i might fall back down again

But we get up anyway

i hope this helps

cheer up honneh(:

Nazihah you are so lame

2009-10-16T13:56:00.003+08:00

Hello!

This is Nazihah at Farah's house :D

We are supposed to do CMPS but she's showing me tons of photos, that can be used for blackmail!

I shall take the pictures from Nazihah and blackmail them!

Faqih, you're one of them ^^

Okay we should do CMPS now,

I will blog again with pictures of our camwhore moments :)

2009-10-05T20:54:00.004+08:00

Dear Friend, what's on your mind

You don’t laugh the way you used to

But I've noticed how you cry

Dear friend, I feel so helpless

I see you sit in silence

As you face new pain each day

I feel there’s nothing I can do

I know you don’t feel pretty

Even though you are

But it wasn’t your beauty

That found room in my heart

Dear friend, you are so precious

Dear friend, I'm here for you

I know that you don’t talk too much

But we can share this day anew

Dear Friend, please don’t feel like you're alone

There is someone who is praying

Praying for your peace of mind

Hoping joy is what you'll find

I know you don’t feel weak

Even though you are

But it wasn’t your strength

That found room in my heart

Dear friend, you are so precious

the two of you are really precious to me(:

2009-10-04T19:36:00.001+08:00

you can't fail if you don't give up

2009-10-03T18:01:00.001+08:00

"everybody's got a hobby right? you're mine"

2009-09-29T21:46:00.003+08:00

hello!(:

i came up with my kiddo's name :D

Muhammad Aidil Fitri Bin Syawal Fahri.

nice right? xD hehe.

people keep asking me how i'ma find

a husband with that name..

OMG DDD: *points down*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

maybe i'ma consider my kiddo's name:

Muhammad Aidil Fahri

D: wah piang.. it's all indo people one..

yea, i googled that one too :/

nehmind, i shall continue coming up

with a nicer name for my kiddo :D

SOME ppl steal my kiddo's name ):

go find another name for YOUR own kiddo

dun copy MY kiddo's one ))):

2009-09-24T04:40:00.003+08:00

i've been up mugging unproductively. and i can't seem to go any further. so i shan't torture myself. gummies are making me umm, thirsty :/

yknow, this one person said that i like to ignore stuff. ignore them just so it won't affect me. i just realized how true it is. but then again, ignorance is bliss, no? okay, maybe not ignore ignore everything luh, but like, ignore some stuffs. like yknow 'listen to the good stuff'. so we ignore the not-so-nice stuffs. but sometimes ignoring can get really hard. it's like i can totally appear or seem to not care, or not be aware, but like deep down inside, it's bugging me soo much, i can't get it off my mind. and you can only keep yourself occupied so much, at the end of the day, there'll definitely be a second or two, at the very least, that it'll bug you for a moment. and if you're successful, you'll be able to shrug it off, but when it comes to the unsuccessful attempts, no matter how hard you try, it'll continue bugging you.

this is when she starts thinking. reflecting. wondering. pondering. recalling. torturous time. how it all turned into one mega huge mess, no idea. how it happened all over again, no idea. how it all started, no idea. and then realization kicks in. she's a mess.

"sometimes it doesn't really matter what

the truth is, but more of what people think"

2009-09-15T21:39:00.004+08:00

"When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall it makes a noise. But as for your heart, when that breaks, it's completely silent. And you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain.

If there is a noise, it's internal. It screams and no one can hear it but you. It screams so loud your ears ring and your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest like a great white shark caught in the sea; it roars like a mother bear whose cub has been taken. That's what it looks like and that's what it sounds like, a thrashing, panicking, trapped great big beast, roaring like a prisoner to its own emotions.

But that's the thing about love - no one is untouchable. It's as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty sea water, but when it actually breaks, it's silent. You're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it."

2009-09-13T00:37:00.002+08:00

i don't feel like sleeping.

i'm not in the mood to sleep.

i don't even feel like lying down.

i'm not even the slightest bit sleepy.

2009-09-01T21:04:00.002+08:00

Love is always patient and kind.

It is never jealous.

Love is never boastful or concieted.

It is never rude or selfish.

It does not take offence and is not resentful.

Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins,

but delights in the truth.

It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope,

and to endure whatever comes.

2009-08-31T20:42:00.002+08:00

dunnoe waddup wimme but oh well xD

teachers' day concert was a blast!

i went straight home and i collapsed on my sis bed
haha. was having bad badd baddd migraine ):
no funn. hurt a lot :/

it has got to do with my eye or sumthing liddat
something that has to do with the eye pressure?
i dunnoe. something the doctor said.. but oh wells

then woke up a couple of hours later, i think
cuz my sis shoo-ed me away from her bed |:
(haha yes, she can be umm, not so nice sumtimes)

then it felt as though i was having a hangover :/
but anyways, i went to the comp. fb, what else? xD
then i went youtube. and guess what i watched!
CINDERELLA! :D hahaha. then i after that...
i watch ANOTHER CINDERELLA STORY! :DDD hehe

~~yes, i should really stop wasting my time away~~

2009-08-28T21:04:00.003+08:00

WOOTS! hahaha.

2009-08-24T22:22:00.002+08:00

ate at pizzahut on friday. thanks for the afternoon/evening you guys! thanks a lot poonam(: *hugs.

hmm, saturday was a test of my patience. i had to wait at the doctor's for like 2 hours -.- and since, my morning went to waste, i decided to waste away my afternoon too. so i went to sleep. HAHA. horrible me. yupp. then well, yea..

i got stuck on this novel. really nice. haha. a bit weird towards the end. cuz it was about revenge and stuff. no nice. then i dunnoe, it got pretty complicated. but overall, very nice story!

HAHA, yupp.. my head hurts. i feel faint. even though i ate. i ate ok. a lot. but still.. dunnoe luh. weird much!

natwee accompanied me a lot for the whole of today. we kept talking non-stop. i love natwee! hehe, vehh nice luh yea.. i like talking to her eh. she's pretty funny. haha. okay dokay.

FARAH NATALYA BTE ABDUL JABBAR.

pretty pls coach me for bio. PLEASE.

I LOVE YOU KAE THX BYE :DDD

2009-08-20T20:48:00.005+08:00

Pelangi tidak kekal tapi amat cantik.

Selagi pelangi berada di atas sana,

selama itulah pelangi hanya hiasan alam.

Alangkah bagusnya kalau pelangi itu membeku.

Ketika itu, barulah pelangi menjadi

begitu berharga dan kekal.

2009-08-19T22:04:00.004+08:00

when my life brightens up

and things get better for me

i wanna do the same for you

i wanna make things better for you

but i fail oh-so-terribly at it :/

2009-08-17T23:11:00.002+08:00

In order for you to move ahead, you must know what you have today.

hmm, so what do i have? :/

~~wishes that will never come true~~

2009-08-15T21:03:00.006+08:00

how have i been feeling..?

okayy, friday : a WHOA-i-dunnoe-what's-going-on day.

i seriously didn't know what was going on most of the time

it was what i call, living as by the moment as it is.

dun ask me what that's supposed to mean, cuz i dunnoe

it just sounded like the way friday went so well yea

i chiong history pt in school during lessons.

omg i was so scared i couldn't complete it

but i did so well :DDDDD so awesome liddat

had no idea what went during lessons :/ my bad

so we had physics ces after school. it was well..

(read first line of this para or whatever you call it)

then we went far east. and we ate at macs.

i had no idea what went on then. but we ate and talked

okay, so here comes this part. and then moving on..

OMG, conversations with farmie are always so funny

he's one guy with a lot of amusing stuffs in him

soo goodluck with surviving next week :DDD

HAHA i'm soo mean liddat! xDD

okay dokay. today got bengkel drama/drama workshop, quite fun eh actually. hehe. but not my type of thing ah. i had practically no idea how to move most of the time. then we went far east cuz they wanted eat at puncak so i left first. so we met at paya lebar. then went geylang. walk walk around. and we ate :D this is the part you skip(: yknow i think the food price increased. so well yea. thankgod it wasn't me paying hehe. omg i need to stop. anyway, there was thing singing competition or something. like then we ended up commenting on the judges and not the performers. hehe. that's how retarded we are. cuz the judges happened to be umm, imran ajmain and fauzie laily yepp. oh oh! everywhere we went, i saw cutee lil kidd!!! heh. then we went home. and i slept straight away. and my alarm's not ringing! DDD: so i keep over-sleeping(is there such a word?) hahaha.

haix.. lotsa peeps away )): MISS YOU. including my sis DD: how can that be right.. it's like she's always NEVER not around. and she's actually NOT around D: i wonder how it's gonna be like when she gets married :/ confirm vehh quiet and boring. cannot believe i'm saying all these xP

kae so rightt.. i shall stop now. haha. i feel vehh colourful today! okay, that sentence does not make sense. oh mann.. anyway, i hope you get my point. if you don't, then none of my problem(: my colour combination quite bad eh :/ but i dun quite care xD i just want colours. WOOHOO!

2009-08-11T22:17:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry :/

my puzzle piece is gone )):

now it feels funny when i use my phone

it feels a bit 'naked' yknow.

like, i dun have anything to play with

nothing to fiddle around with anymore

i am soo upset! grr..

I WANT SOMETHING ON MY PHONE

I WANNA HAVE SOMETHING THAT
I CAN PLAY WITH

FIDDLE AROUND WITH

STARE AT FOR LONG

i feel like such a spoilt brat :/

2009-08-03T22:24:00.003+08:00

An empty street
An empty house
A hole inside my heart
I'm all alone and the rooms are getting smaller

I wonder how, I wonder why
I wonder where they are
The days we had, the songs we sang together
And oh my love
I'm holding on forever
Reaching for a love that seem so far

So I say a little prayer
And hope my dreams will take me there
Where the skies are blue
To see you once again, my love
Overseas from coast to coast
To find the place I love the most
Where the fields are green
To see you once again, my love

I try to read
I go to work
I'm laughing with my friends
But I can't stop to keep myself from thinking

I wonder how, I wonder why
I wonder where they are
The days we had, the songs we sang together
And oh my love
I'm holding on forever
Reaching for a love that seem so far

To hold you in my arms
To promise you my love
To tell you from the heart
You're all I'm thinking of

Hello fren!(:

Remember that time? You sang this. I still have the recording. In my phoney and my lappie. I dunnoe how you're doing at this point of time, but i hope you're doing just fine. This song played on my mp3 when i was on the bus on the way home today. It reminded me of you. I guess it's getting pretty hard for me to pretend nothing's wrong. Not after what you said to me. You're not gonna read this, i think. You most prolly dun even noe my url. But yea, it sucks not having you around anymore :/

It's that one line

Ringing in my head

'there are better guys out there'

2009-08-01T23:20:00.002+08:00

IT GETS SO HARD TO WALK AWAY

can't go down that memory lane

can't stand the sight of that place

holds wayy too much memories

said i'd be strong

i'm hanging by the thread

2009-07-31T23:02:00.002+08:00

sucks sucks sucks

why i ask? whyy..?

why so sudden huh?

why must it be this way?

feels like i've lost a fren ))):

fren with a great personality :/

kae, i'm moody. baddd..

mummy's scolding me.

cuz i'ma be out the whole day tomorrow

and i wun be able to finish my schoolwork

cuz she last min told me we going msia on sunday

it's not like i'm going out for fun anyway

more of cuz it's what you call school commitments

MEGA HUGE -.-"

yknow what, i'm annoyed with my life.

just my life, and no one/nothing else D:

2009-07-28T22:31:00.005+08:00

I was gonna post this about two weeks ago. yupp(:

i like it loads

Just a friend
That’s all I’ve ever been to you
Oh just a girl
Who wants to be the center of your world
But I ain’t got much to offer
But my heart and soul
And I guess that’s not enough
For you to notice me
I’m just a girl
And I guess that’s all I’ll ever be to you
To you

You don’t know how it feels to be so in love
With someone who doesn’t even know

but now..

So let me on down
Cause time has made me strong
I'm starting to move on
I'm gonna say this now
Your chance has come and gone
And you know..

It's just too little too late
a little too wrong
And I can't wait

2009-07-23T00:41:00.002+08:00

hello!(:

it's soo late and yet i'm not sleepy :O

i should really go to sleep pretty soon

okay, maybe i should change it to 'now'

i'ma be really sleepy in school tomorrow

rhd rocked!!! :DDD

hehe, i am doing very badly at catching up

with all the subjects..

BLEAGH

i'm hungry. i shall go eat chocs now!

2009-07-19T23:16:00.002+08:00

ahhhh

i was talking to my sis

and then suddenly my eye hurt so badly

so i went to the mirror to take a look at it

and i am horrified DDD:

my sis says it's obvious

it looks pretty obvious to me

but i hope it's not obvious to anyone else

i hope the swelling will be gone by tomorrow

gahhh

2009-07-19T22:20:00.003+08:00

i've made up my mind

i'm not gonna change it

i'ma trust myself on this

just this once, i'll trust me

i dunnoe what's gonna happen

i dunnoe what the outcome will be

but one thing for sure, i should do it

and i will and i hope it works out(:

yeaaa

i've never felt this relieved

for a really long time

but at the same time

there's this unsettled feeling

in my heart

and i weally hope it'll go away soon.

2009-07-19T15:30:00.001+08:00

I failed you this time
And it feels like tonight
I can't believe I'm broken inside
Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do
But try to make it up to you

2009-07-18T23:31:00.000+08:00

will you..?

2009-07-18T23:01:00.001+08:00

i think i'm weird

yea, definitely am

i read ameera's comment on my fb status

and i just started ~~crying~~

2009-07-18T21:33:00.004+08:00

bad day

sucks sucks sucks

shitty shitty shitty

bleagh bleagh bleagh

mum forgot to gimme money today

so i had no money on me

basically, i'm broke, yes broke

then my gastric started acting up

and it hurt like siao.

so i reached home and well,

there wasn't much to eat.

then the pain got worse.

and it got really really bad

so i ended up getting scolded

for not asking money from her

How can I explain

Whatever happened here

never meant to hurt you

How can I cause you so much pain

When I say I’m sorry

Will you believe me

2009-07-16T15:34:00.003+08:00

no fun no more )):

woke up on wednesday morning.. heard the voice scolding about godknowswhat. and i thought to myself "oh god, back to my normal life ):" sucky normal life. i couldn't take it so i went back to sleep. till my sis bugged me to wake up. then i went to wash up everything and had my breakfast. i was happily eating when i heard the same voice suddenly blowing up. scolding me.. blahblahblah. you get my drift.

well then yea.. more scolding after that. this and that and this and that. not happy about well, almost everything. so this morning, i was happily eating breakfast again, when well, if you haven't guessed it yet, i got scolded.

"what kind of a girl are you?"

i'd say 'perhaps the kind of girl who doesn't give a damn cuz life sucks right now' and i can't help thinking to myself 'totally wrong timing to fall sick' grahh.. I WANNA GO SCHOOL ))): okay, maybe not really but i dun wanna stay home ok. i dun wanna stay home. sucks sucks sucks!!!

got two days mc again. i'd like to think that i'm going school tomorrow :D well, i NEED to go to school tomorrow, i think. well, mummy wants me to go school tomorrow. cuz well, yesterday she was lecturing me cuz i've been missing school a lot. not like i purposely wanna fall sick right..? kae, nehmind. so yea, i wanna go school tomorrow. need to and have got to. else, i'ma really..

ok so just now i got a phonecall. and the person was like "asal suara kau sengau siotz?" lol. not me fault. stupid running nose.

Cuz i don't wanna end up in your rear view

Wanna be someone you can turn to

Baby i never wanna lose you

2009-07-14T18:49:00.002+08:00

i feel like a pig today D:

i woke up and my running nose wasn't getting any better

bathed everything, got ready, took my breakfast

and i started coughing. bad sign..

so i decided that if i were to actually go school

they'll definitely send me home.

so then my bro's like, call office ask if you can go school. and if you can't, whether or not need go doctor or can just write letter. so i waited on the couch till 6.45 and i fell asleep. then my bro woke me up to go call, no answer. then i waited till 7 and i fell asleep again. so my bro woke me up again, still no answer. only when my bro decided to call few minutes later then it was answered. so they dun lemme go school and i have to go doctor. so we had to wait till 8 cuz that's when the clinic opens. so i went to change out of my uniform, and i fell asleep again on my sister's bed. then again, my bro woke me up. went to the doctor. blah blah blah. he said something like i have throat infection or something liddat uh. and omg, damn ex! D: 50 bucks gone just liddat )):

so i reached home. and then i was gonna do work when i fell asleep again. then i woke up and switched on my lappie. and then i fell asleep again. and the cycle repeats itself until it was about 1.30 i think. then he came and to give me my food :D okay, so i was asleep and then i woke up cuz i heard the door open and sumone calling out my name. so i went, took the food from him, and then we talked and that was when i realised his fren was there too. so i was damn paiseh cuz like i had the 'i just woke up' hair, face, voice. and i was wearing some unglam shirt and shorts. but oh well.. HAHA.

then i ate, went on fb, and i fell asleep again. and then yea, i kept waking up and falling asleep. so in the end, i didn't any work at all ): which is a very bad thing :/

anyways, i've been eating chicken a lot! :DDD i likeee

saturday

lunch: lemon fried chicken rice (something liddat ah xD)

dinner: chicken rice

sunday

lunch: briyani with chicken

dinner: spaghetti chicken chop

monday

lunch: kfc cheese meltz

dinner: lemon chicken fried rice

today

lunch: rice with chicken

dinner: hmm, dunnoe yet..

i think i am spoilt. i think my bro's spoiling me! he's like buying me chicken all the time! but i dun mind ah. i like! haha. so gerek liddat ah. and oh mann, i gained weight! :O

all i did today was sleep. but i'm still tired. grr.. something wrong wimme. no good.

ALISA!!! get well soon okay! ly(:

PS. i keep re-drawing the heart on my hand. (the heart that ameera drew) and haha. no. i'm not in love with ameera or something. i just really like her.

HAHA. sorry, pls dun mind, i'm not in my right state of mind xP

2009-07-12T09:32:00.002+08:00

okay, so updates.. [yesterday]

had to wake up at 5, normal school timing uh :/

but i rolled around in bed sumore till it was 20 mins and i bathed and got ready everything for 20 mins and we were out of the house. then we reached the airport everything, sit around, talk, and off they went. it's so weird, it's like my first time. too weird for me. they wun be back till tuesday midnight or so.. i'ma miss them terribly. so if i break down suddenly, pls understand. cheyh, HAHA. yknow what's worse, my one and only(grandpa) is away too ): but he calls veh often so yea, not too bad i guess.. but i feel awfully alone DDD:

okay, anyway, my father almost forgot to pass the car key to my bro. haha. then we walked around T1 and T2. omg, freezing cold sia. crazy.. then we went to eat at macs. then we walked around sumore. sat down and stared into space. we didn't talk much basically cuz like, the whole time i was with my bro, he tried to like start lotsa conversations, but it just died after a few replies cuz like i dunnoe, i wasn't in the talking and yakking mood. usually, i'll yakk and yakk and yakk sumore but yesterday just wasn't one of the days. so i kept quiet most of the time and just gave one word reply. i feel bad, but really, i didn't have anything to say. then my bro sent me to wisma. but gawd, i was still soo early! it was supposed to be at 9, i reached at 9.02. no one was there. haha. but still, i love my bro. (i think he'll make a good dad! xD)

spent my time sleeping and stuff.. so yea, basically, that was my saturday. oh yar, adli's vehh entertaining. yup, and his mumma is gorgeous! :D hehe.

i went to sleep real early. i felt so energy-less the whole day. hahaha. so i woke up with 5 smses D: my bad, sorry! AND, first time i slept 8 hours for this whole week ;DD woots.

my temp is 37.5. is that good or bad? you decide(;

2009-07-06T08:20:00.001+08:00

even now just looking at you feels wrong

2009-07-05T22:29:00.004+08:00

honestly, you're much better off not reading this.
i know you guys aren't happy.
i understand.

i can't do anything about it.
nobody cares!

do you really think i have nothing better to do than to hold you all back? do you really think i'm such a bitch i dun wanna let you all go off earlier? do you really think i like it when you guys get into trouble with parents etc?

i can't do a god damn thing ok. it's a commitment. i told you. you gotta give all you've got. we've got parents. we've got frens. we've got other commitments. we've got schoolwork. we ALL have 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

i'm trying really hard to make it easier for everyone. to make sure that you dun have to spend lotsa time on this. but this is as far as i can help you. right now, i can't help it anymore.

~~i really dunnoe what else to do. one after another you come telling me the same thing~~

~~and here i am, with just my tears accompanying me, so stressed up cuz i dunnoe what else to do cuz all you guys do is keep telling me you aren't happy about it~~

2009-07-05T15:13:00.003+08:00

hello!(:

i am ALL over farah's blog. read that!

i'm on farah's blog, want sumore? :D

MUAHAHA. i feel like a bitch :O

okay, so basically you should reach farah's blog :D haha.

farah and ameera were umm, best! super gerek kan.. haha you rock farah. totally went on with the dare. ameera was like ameera. haha. soo her hair and everything. "anti-social device" HAHA

thanks sara for accompanying me home. god knows what would have happened if you weren't there. i swear it was super scary ttm. love you sara.

oh oh, finally met mur! omgosh, miss her like siao for dunnoe how long ready. haha.

and finally, NO thanks to you for making me ~~cry~~

2009-07-03T22:01:00.002+08:00

if i'm feeling intellectual

this is what i would say

"there's fallacy in your argument, that's simply hasty generalisation"

but

if i'm feeling sarcastic

i'd say

"hate to break it to you honneh, but no one's THAT interested in you, so dun give yourself THAT much credit"

but now, i'm really lethargic.
so, i really can't be bothered.

2009-07-02T21:50:00.003+08:00

i need to talk ~~on the verge of breaking down~~

dunnoe what i wanna talk about

all i know is, i just need to talk ~~can't go on anymore~~

okayy, so i've lost my focus :/

and gosh, it's vehh bad, i swear!

nehmind, i'll survive(: woots! ~~always do. have to anyways~~

2009-06-30T13:58:00.001+08:00

omg, i got sara to come wimme today.

but she doesn't have a phone!

how the hell am i supposed to contact her? :/

how i am i supposed to know where she is..

okay, so i'm pretty dumb, huh..

2009-06-30T09:55:00.002+08:00

hie. time i updated my bloggie xD

school yesterday was... dots.

i was in a daze the whole day!

in the morning, on the mrt..

i usually change trains at raffles place, then yesterday, i had no idea what happened. i was seating, and i heard "raffles place interchange" and i just sat down there. i looked out of the train, saw the sign "raffles place" but i just didn't get up. just remained on the seat.

malay was crap. cikgu was talking and i just stared at her. i knew she was talking and i should be listening but nothing went into my head. and suddenly i heard her say "SJKS" and subconsciously, i think, i said " sebut jelas kukuh simpul" and then i went "omg, i remember" and everyone stared at me like i'm some weirdo. mann, i gotta get my brain to start working.

went home with ALISA! :D oh, we accompanied poonam to orchard first. oh then right, like we were on the bus, and then we saw hadziqah. first thing she said to me was "eh, i read on hadi's blog and he said that you were hospitalised" even in malay class, sab(i think) was like "eh i heard you got hospitalised" and i only remembered telling four persons: DANISH(:, FARAH!, DEWI, and the moh lady"

when i reached home. my mum went "tadi aliff wave kat ibu" and my sis "you wun believe what ibu said to taufik just now". and they both talked and talked. and i held up my hand and said "jap, i need to pee very badly". so apparently, they met taufik batisah at the gym for dunnoe how many times ready. and they met aliff aziz too. and my mum said some really weird things to taufik and stuffs, gosh, i hope i dun follow her footsteps in the future xD but i love my mummy! :DDD and then they asked me "knape aliff ader kat gym tu? dier tinggal kat mane?" i stared at them and i'm like "yar, i'm his gf and i know everything about him. like why he chooses to go to that gym and not some other gym" and so, the whole day my mum kept singing the sayang sayang sayang song or whatever song it is. and it's the same line every single time (cuz well, that's the only line she knows HAHA)

okay, so today.. i'm doing ss :DD so proud of myself(: oh, then i wanted to do a calculation. so i took out the calc from my bag. then it seemed different. firstly, it seemed like the battery was running out [I JUST BOUGHT MINE!) and like the 'ON/C' on the 'on' button was a bit faded. then i'm like, eyh, dun think this is mine. so i checked the cover and the back of the calc, my name wasn't there! neither was the school approved sticker. then i'm like oh shyt, who's calc is this? why in my bag?! then i realised, "wth, it's hadi's!" how forgetful can i get seyh..

ANYWAYS, i still have to finish SS and physics by today. i have no idea how you go around doing the home based learning thing, but whatever xP

HI NAZ I MISS YOU SO MUCH

2009-06-25T23:38:00.002+08:00

Hi I'm Nazihah and I'm stuck in the hospital but Farah is entertaining me!

H1N1 swab test sucks because it takes 12 hours to confirm whether positive or not.

I feel really fine and awesome and super hyper even though its almost midnight.

Pray I don't get H1N1 okay!

I repeatedly emphasize that it is not positive. I repeat NOT POSITIVE.

(Look at this Adli.)

But if you guys feel unwell, you should go to a doctor.

If you don't feel unwell, then diam diam sudah.

2009-06-19T23:21:00.002+08:00

HELLO! :D

Nazihah!(: is still very much amused

even after so long.

cuz of 2 different reasons. HEH.

i'm starting to feel alive again

(i'm making it sound like i died LOL)

life's fun!

can't believe school's gonna start in a week D:

all the stress and workloads gonna pile up

i really really hope that all this fun

is gonna help me pull through term 3

ILY FARAH! haha, dun ask me why.

just felt like saying it.. :DDD

(gawd, i feel soo cheered up!)

2009-06-18T22:19:00.002+08:00

today was FUNFUNFUN. hahaha.

7UP STILL GOT ME!

i'm still high!!!

haha, okay, so all i did today was

laugh...

laugh..

laugh.

and laugh sumore.

shooting hoops totally made me laugh non-stop.

we all have our style.

funny ones:

ansar style

ameera style

HEH. mateen is sooo bad ):

i was wearing my lil miss late shirt

and he said it should be lil miss slow instead

sorry i didn't get all the horny jokes uh..

aper tau, sedih seyh! hahaha.

i tasted red bull for the first time today

and omg, the smell totally put me off

but like aki forced me to try it, and i did

AND I REGRETTED DOING SO

totally cannot tahan the taste!

the taste was soo much worse than the smell!!!

i am gonna stay far far away from red bull

starting from now onwards..

anyway, life's starting to get really

really, really GOOOOOOD

2009-06-17T20:40:00.001+08:00

"a lot of people also talk to her... him... them..."

"HAHA!"

"wdv"

2009-06-17T10:19:00.005+08:00

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

umm, i think i prefer qori's and hadi's version to the original version. theirs is a pitch lower and according to my mum, the original version is a bit the very 'bingit' cuz of the high pitchness :/

anyways, i think yesterday was a major breakthrough(?) lol, i dunnoe. it was nice being outside after soo long. it's like whoa, i felt so free. free from whatever shyt there is in the world that's been bugging me. it's like the grey clouds hovering above me for dunnoe how long got blown away :D i actually felt peace. i actually felt elated ;D

thank you farah! cuz you see, a lot of things been bugging me. and like i've been moping around the house for god knows how long. words in my mind - 'gahh' 'sucks' 'shyt' 'bloody hell' 'damn' 'hate life' 'arghh' 'urghh'. okay, i think you get my point. so anyways, on like monday night, i decided i need to go out. i need to get my life in order. i need to do something. then farah asked me out, to crash sec 2s ymc initiation planning. i was a bit lazy and reluctant and hesitant at first, but then i thought to myself 'wun hurt to just go'.

and so i went(: sec 2s are a bunch of really fun and funny people. they are really bonded, okay part of them xD (junie made me add the last part xP) at first, it got a bit crazy, draggy here and there, but then things started to get really hyped up. sec 2s are an awesome batch! way to go x)

me, mur, and qori took the train home together. we talked and talked and talked. and talked sumore. hahaha. then qori alighted. left us two.

*stares*

"omg, we haven't talked for so long"

"yea, i know right, wanna talk?"

"kae, let's talk"

*stares*

-silence-

"hahaha, nak cakap abeh diam"

"just like old times, huh"

so we ended up talking. just like old times. talking bout lotsa stuffs. and mur took all the way to joo koon wimme. then we took the train back to boon lay, and i alighted. haha.

i skipped lotsa details xD no sharing, unless you're gonna ask me personally. lol. safe in my heart, memories :D

then, farah texted me, mur texted me too. and i slept with a smile on my face x)

wonder how long since that last happened(:

sec 2s, farah, mur, ameera, aki :DDD ~~SHOELACE~~

2009-06-15T11:22:00.003+08:00

omgosh..

my heart is pumping so fast.

loudly too.

i think it's gonna burst.

explode. like KABABOOM!

i can't breathe properly.

i am really shocked D:

OUCH!

jantung macam nak tercabut!!!

2009-06-14T23:49:00.003+08:00

can't sleep

gahh

i feel so fragile

i feel so vulnerable

i hate this.

2009-06-14T22:22:00.001+08:00

i feel very...

ARGH!!!

I CAN'T FOCUS )':

2009-06-14T20:48:00.002+08:00

i'm so random.

i can't help it..

"Aku lari ke hutan, kemudian menyanyiku
Aku lari ke pantai, kemudian teriakku

Sepi...

Sepi dan sendiri aku benci.

Aku ingin bingar.

Aku mau di pasar.

Bosan aku dengan penat,
dan enyah saja kau, pekat!

Seperti berjelaga jika aku sendiri
Pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai
Biar mengaduh sampai gaduh

Ahh.. ada malaikat menyulam jaring laba-laba belang
di tembok keraton putih
Kenapa tak goyangkan saja loncengnya?
Biar terderah,
atau... aku harus lari ke hutan belok ke pantai?"

i am so in love with it :/

2009-06-13T22:15:00.002+08:00

this was what i was gonna post:

YAY!! I AM SO HAPPY.

i completed two novels in a day :D

but now....

*pukes*

)': darn me.

gahhhhhhhh...

2009-06-04T21:31:00.001+08:00

**** IT!

i'm so pissed at you.

you have no right to judge me.

my physics pt paper became the victim

i tore it cuz i'm so damn pissed at you.

ARGH!!!

2009-05-31T21:41:00.005+08:00

what happened :

we were just walking. fren was wearing some tee with a hoodie over. and then fren took it off cuz it was really warm and humid. so we carried on walking... and then fren paused for awhile and wore the hoodie back, and i saw the expression. i looked around, true enough i saw certain uncomforting (inserts word here).

we all make mistakes. the thing that differentiates the mistakes that we do, is the extent of damage that it can cause. it's the impact that it has. i've made so many mistakes, which affects me till now. makes me feel so sick in the stomach everytime i think about it. makes me feel embarassed, makes me wanna cover my face, makes me wanna wear a mask around people who knows about the mistake i did cuz i feel so embarassed of myself. but when i'm facing strangers who dunnoe about me, about the mistake that i did, i'll still feel self-conscious but sooner or later, i'll get over it cuz i know they don't know a thing and they wun judge me. they can't judge me cuz they dunnoe what i did, what happened. but can you imagine how it feels like having to go around with the mistake that you did all the time? having the whole world know what you did cuz it's with you wherever you go, no matter what you do. and you can't get rid of it that easily. anybody and everybody can see it and you can't exactly hide it. i've not experienced it yet,i can only imagine how it feels like. having to cover up all the time, feeling so self-conscious wherever and whenever.

sure enough it's our fault for commiting such a mistake. but there are times in our lives when we just do things that are so out-of-your-mind-kinda-thing and we dun even know why. it can get really hard to always be in control.

but that's just life, isn't it?

2009-05-23T21:40:00.002+08:00

i like fairytale..

i like chick lit..

seems perfect

seems so nice

i want that right now

i need that right now

i think i'm losing myself

2009-05-22T22:53:00.002+08:00

i feel as dumb and as sucky as ever

whole week's been sucky to the core

totally weighing me down like crazy

bringing me down, crashing down on me.

but yknow what

i'm not gonna let it have it's way

i'm gonna have it my way now

i'ma set how things are gonna be

and so..

i wun let it affect me

i'm not gonna dwell on it

i'm not gonna regret anything

i'ma do whatever it takes

i'ma use all the energy i've left

i'ma be happy, i'ma laugh, i'ma smile

:DDD